Earlier this week, the Hyper office received a passionate email regarding my apparent demise. According to Matthew, the author of said transcript, Sir Gameboffin (thatâ€™s me) is dead. Luckily, this was meant metaphorically and not literally, as I was getting rather worried.
Hereâ€™ is Matthewâ€™s correspondence in full:
I tried to get passed it, but I can’t.
Sir Game Boffin now has a head (a real one).
Its not the same seeing colour where tones of gray should be.
And he’s whinging about how his picks were not included (in a very unBoffin manner).
Sir Game Boffin is dead.
I only have Yellow Boots left.
Iâ€™ve tried to keep my response focused on Mattâ€™s main issues here:
- Mattâ€™s first problem seems to be that he is sorry. Perhaps he forgot to complete his chores that day, or the guilt of concealing his long-suppressed love for Keyboard Cat has finally eaten through the protective shell of his fragile psyche.
- Weâ€™ll skip a line and go straight to the real problem. It seems that I now have a head, and a real one at that, except the issue is deeper than that. I think Matt has finally realised that Sir Gameboffin and I are in fact one and the same, and that the Hydra-like monstrosity that he imagines before him is comprised of both my ye olde persona and my real life mug-shot. I am at a loss as to how he can move past this, but perhaps a solid session with any God of War title will suffice.
- Letâ€™s examine the next line of this almost poetic prose. â€śItâ€™s not the same seeing colour where tones of gray (sic) should beâ€ť â€“ this screams of an individual seeing the world in monochrome, through a lens of deep sorrow. Either that or Matt is talking about how sometimes there are colour pictures in my column where once there were only black and white onesâ€¦
- The next line is simply fallacious, as how can Matt say anything is un-Boffin like when everything that Boffin does is, by definition, Boffin-like. (I was just trying to sound smart there, did it work?)
- â€śSir Gameboffin is Deadâ€ť, yeah we established that this isnâ€™t the case, thanks to a long and rigorous body check which I wonâ€™t describe in detail. However, itâ€™s obvious that Sir Gameboffin is dead to Matthew, which is sad. Everyone say â€śAwwww.â€ť
- Again, Matt feels sorry and then states that he has yellow boots. One can only assume that he has worked himself up into such a state that he has emptied his bladder upon his footwear. An alternative interpretation points to another column that appears in Hyperâ€™s sister publication PCPowerPlay. Either way, we really hope that Matt didnâ€™t pee on his boots.
Matt, I sincerely hope that you can see beyond my monstrous head and colour pictures and learn to enjoy Hyper once more. I hope that my response has helped to bridge the yawning chasm that has been created between us.
Sir Gameboffin the Not Dead