Random Internet News Thread

[Super Sleuth]

The tabloids love a celeb story more than anything moral. Mother Theresa died the same day as Lady Diana, perfect example. No-one but those who read after 5 pages of any news paper that day would've known that.

why would I need to read a paper mate?

a picture says a thousand words.

[Spazzola]

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/05/110511-zombies-ants-fungus-infection-spores-bite-noon-animals-science/

[VanAce]

Mozilla Is Making A Mobile Phone OS Based On Android (http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2011/07/mozillas-making-a-cellphone-os-based-on-android/)

[Spazzola]

Injured by a falling light while having sex, during a work trip. Demands compensation. (http://www.news.com.au/national/woman-sues-government-after-light-falls-injures-her-in-hotel-room-will-having-sex-on-work-trip/story-e6frfkvr-1226102403584)

[Spazzola]

Yet another pro-gaming expert defends against the Oslo hysteria. (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/111965-Expert-Says-Blaming-Videogames-for-Violence-is-Racist)

[Xanafalgue]

Imagine: Expertz

[Spazzola]

Sigh. (http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/wong-baby-not-right-reverend-fred-nile/story-e6frf7jx-1226111678394)

Edit: Hurr. (http://www.kotaku.com.au/2011/08/london-riots-inspire-fresh-grand-theft-auto-finger-pointing/)

[Second]

Urgh. I hope that **** gets ****ed up.

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

I found out last month that **** married my parents (to each other!).

What a ****.

[aubergine]

Beat-up-cattle "a beat-up" a beat-up.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-08-10/liberal-raises-indonesia-cattle-concerns/2833218

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

Storage Wars Hunter Assumes Janky NES Is Worth $13,000 (http://www.gamesetwatch.com/2011/08/storage_wars_auctioneer_assume.php).

"NES-001, guys. I want you to look at this very carefully. This is the first Nintendo DS built."

[Spazzola]

Lesbians are bad and should not be mothers. Though they "will no doubt be fine mothers". (http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/opinion/pregnancy-of-penny-wongs-female-partner-no-cause-for-mass-celebration/story-e6frezz0-1226114379311)

Video response (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkMv_GzhETk&feature=player_embedded).

[VanAce]

Google to Acquire Motorola Mobility for $12.5 Billion (http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-08-15/google-agrees-to-acquisition-of-motorola-mobility-for-about-12-5-billion.html)

[Lazlow]

Video response (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkMv_GzhETk&feature=player_embedded).

Such a face for radio.

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q321/fishfishmonkeyhat/Emoticons/emot-iceburn.gif

[TrinityJayOne]

Why do people insist on making video responses to everything when a written comment would do? Granted he prattled on for a while, but it's still just a news article and that video will be outdated very quickly because of it. Nobody goes to Youtube wanting to see what some nobody thought about something that happened in the past. It's about as retarded as unboxing videos. If you've bought, say, an Xbox 360, chances are the box contains an xbox 360.

ApOqoTOpAEk

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

Probably because that wouldn't have fit in a comment reply to a non-existent video.

[VanAce]

The title of the video almost looks like a title for an eBay listing.

[Space_Monkey]

Lesbians are bad and should not be mothers. Though they "will no doubt be fine mothers". (http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/opinion/pregnancy-of-penny-wongs-female-partner-no-cause-for-mass-celebration/story-e6frezz0-1226114379311)

That is truly horrid.

[VanAce]

There will be AC DC wine. Sales of bourbon dramatically fall (http://www.tonedeaf.com.au/news/musicnews/84389/high-vintage-acdc-release-wine-range.htm)

[aubergine]

Your death is imminent.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-08-16/television-shortens-lifespan/2841190

[Spazzola]

P24NG8iqq5I

[Nic Xtreme]

Your death is imminent.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-08-16/television-shortens-lifespan/2841190

But that's just a rehash of the well-known fact that a sedentary lifestyle shortens your lifespan! Delete TV and insert whatever you like: desk work, computer, video games, etc.

[aubergine]

Search afoot.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-08-17/daniel-morcombe-shoe-found/2844114

[Spazzola]

Calling all pedophiles, get your lube out and your tissues ready. (http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/pageant-outrage-fake-breasts-and-bottom-for-girl-4-20110902-1jp0v.html)

[Lazlow]

I fail to see the big deal.

[VanAce]

Domino’s Pizza Japan Announces Plans To Build Restaurant On The Moon (http://thatsnerdalicious.com/fast-food/dominos-pizza-japan-announces-plans-to-build-restaurant-on-the-moon/)

[Spazzola]

WikiLeaks strikes again. (http://www.news.com.au/technology/wikileaks-cable-reveals-anti-copyright-group-targeted-iinet-because-telstra-fight-too-dirty/story-e6frfro0-1226127300228)

[Azzaman]

Hmmm, my telstra contract can't end soon enough...

[Spazzola]

Yes, he's dead and I am a bad person for laughing, but oh wow, what a way to go. (http://m24digital.com/en/2011/08/26/unusual-boy-dies-after-masturbating-42-times/)

I blame video games and the porn industry.

[Zeph101]

Yes, he's dead and I am a bad person for laughing, but oh wow, what a way to go. (http://m24digital.com/en/2011/08/26/unusual-boy-dies-after-masturbating-42-times/)

I blame video games and the porn industry.

UHwegwXwwHs

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

Witherspoon?

No, WITHACAR! (http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/celebrity/reese-witherspoon-hit-by-car-20110908-1jypk.html)


S'funny I heard an actress had been hit by a car and made this joke before I found out it was her. That is how tuned into da comedy I am!

[TrinityJayOne]

Simpsons memory test, GO!

A couple are at death’s door after having decided to dine on fugu they caught and prepared themselves, liver and all.

The 68-year-old Nagasaki prefecture man caught a fugu in a local bay himself, and upon returning home made it into sashimi, liver and all.

Together with his 65-year-old wife, the couple tucked into the meal; an hour later, his wife’s mouth and extremities had gone numb, and soon after the same happened to him.

The pair were conveyed to hospital, and the poison took full effect, resulting in complete paralysis and an inability to breathe. Both were left unconscious in critical condition.

The active neurotoxin in fugu, tetrodotoxin, paralyses victims causing asphyxiation. There is no known antidote, and treatment largely consists of putting victims on life support until the poison wears off.

Fugu cuisine has a notorious reputation even in Japan, where it still maintains niche popularity in spite of regular fatalities.

Restaurants are tightly regulated and chefs must be highly trained, but even so the serving of the liver, the most poisonous organ in the fish but also one of the most celebrated, is banned in restaurants.

However, private individuals are free to prepare and dine on toxic poisons as much as they please, and many still do – in spite of the fact captive farmed non-poisonous fugu are now available.

In Nagasaki prefecture alone, from 2001 to 2008 there were 22 fugu poisoning incidents, 6 of which have been fatal, although this incident is the first since 2009. Prefectural authorities warn that “we would prefer people absolutely avoid attempting to prepare fugu simply at home.”
Can't link source here. >_>

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

Maybe they were hoping that it would inexplicably cause them no harm, much like that episode never explained why Homer didn't die.

[VanAce]

Gordon Ramsay’s Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Badger (http://gawker.com/5839596/)

[VanAce]

Hydrogen fuel from just bacteria and water (http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2011/09/20/3321033.htm?WT.mc_id=science_twitterfeed_latest&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+abcscience_latestnews+%28ABC+ Science%3A+Latest+News%29)

[Vindik8or]

Uhh that's not right. They need organic matter to metabolise. Which is just a very distant binding of energy from sunlight.

[VanAce]

Jesus appears on NES, says Woman (http://www.kotaku.com.au/2011/09/jesus-appears-on-miracle-nintendo-says-woman/)

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

https://twitter.com/#!/arnettwill/status/120620083923001344

http://i.imgur.com/LQYtO.gif

[VanAce]

Man Assaults His Wife For Not Liking Facebook Status (http://mashable.com/2011/10/09/man-assaults-wife-facebook/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Mashable+%28Mashable%29)

[Spazzola]

70% Of Australia Post’s Parcels Are From Online Shopping. (http://www.kotaku.com.au/2011/10/70-of-australia-posts-parcels-are-from-online-shopping/)

[Space_Monkey]

Random Task is prime suspect in murder case.

http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/movies/austin-powers-star-random-task-the-prime-suspect-in-sex-offender-prison-death-20111013-1llpi.html

[Lazlow]

His cellmate obviously didn't know Joe Son's greatest weakness

http://www.yorkblog.com/mma/hackneyjoeson.gif

[Ad-Rock]

Man need $1 million to remove 50kg scrotum (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/health/8362110/man-needs-1-million-to-remove-50kg-scrotum)

Insert Randy Marsh joke.

[aubergine]

Man Makes Most Expensive Leather Jacket Ever.

[Spazzola]

Chinese cannot see decimal points. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/8837736/Man-orders-size-14.5-slipper-and-gets-size-1450-after-mistranslation-in-China.html)

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

http://i.imgur.com/sf2Nc.jpg

[Spazzola]

Gearbox honour deceased fan. (http://www.destructoid.com/gearbox-to-honor-late-fan-as-an-npc-in-borderlands-2-215160.phtml)

[Str8JaktJim]

Cyberdyne makes product called HAL. Oh shi- (http://www.news.com.au/technology/sci-tech/japanese-firm-cyberdyne-have-unveiled-a-robot-suit-for-nuclear-workers/story-fn5fsgyc-1226188462792)

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

I just saw this image (http://stonerschematics.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/smokeclown.jpg) as the graphic behind the ABC News presenter on a story about Iranian nuclear energy.

http://www.hyper.com.au/forums/image.php?u=2727&dateline=1294697486

[tau]

Burly rugby player has a stroke after freak gym accident… wakes up gay and becomes a hairdresser (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2058921/Chris-Birch-stroke-Rugby-player-wakes-gay-freak-gym-accident.html)

wat

[nintendo]

Well that (http://www.appleinsider.com/articles/11/11/09/adobe_confirms_it_will_no_longer_develop_flash_for _mobile_browsers.html) didn't take long.

Gone in a flash as they say....

lolol

[Lazlow]

I don't understand how people are painting this as a victory for Apple over Adobe.

The shift to HTML5 was inevitable unless Adobe radically redesigned Flash, so it's good news for everyone really.

Now if we could just get rid of Javascript too.

And the less said about Silverlight the better.

[Spazzola]

Nanotechnology strikes again (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/texas-scientist-makes-strands-invisibility-cloak-172115865.html).

[Spazzola]

Devs failed to backup, game goes bye-bye (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/114155-Server-Screw-Up-Kills-MMO).

[langzi]

thank

[Gunblade89]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-15742121

A UK man finds dead bird in his salad.

[VanAce]

Pretty old but amusing

Woman says 3D porno made her pregnant (http://news.techeye.net/internet/woman-says-3d-porno-made-her-pregnant)

[aubergine]

Scientists invent lightest solid material yet, to no obvious purpose at this point.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metallic_microlattice

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

It will be good for holding my dandelions down.

[VanAce]

Aussie Hip Hop artist 360 rips into Short Stack in the most embarrassing of manners (http://www.tonedeaf.com.au/news/local-news/108289/360-picks-fight-with-short-stack-says-hed-rather-chop-off-his-cock.htm)

[Ad-Rock]

South Korean inmates to be guarded by robots (http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-11-25/south-korean-prison-robots/3693578)

[VanAce]

Pope Benedict XVI faces prosecution for failing to wear seat belt (http://www.dnaindia.com/world/report_pope-benedict-xvi-faces-prosecution-for-failing-to-wear-seat-belt_1619055)

[Spazzola]

I'd love to see them try that on Innocent III. Ignoring the obvious time difference, of course.

[aubergine]

McDonald's Denies Prostitution,

or something

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-12-01/sleep-not-sex-macdonald-tells-corruption-probe/3706938

[Spazzola]

So...a modern take on 1096 or 1320? (http://www.parentdish.com/2006/10/30/video-game-where-jews-and-atheists-must-be-killed-or-converted-d/?a_dgi=aolshare_facebook)

[aubergine]

That article sounded a bit like bullshit to me so I read the wikipedia on the game, it's quite interesting.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left_Behind:_Eternal_Forces

It sounds shit but it also seems the game's detractors simply make shit up about it or are misleading about the content. Main points left out is that you can kill only when attacked first and that even then, killing penalizes the player (by removing progress to levelling up, kind of like being jailed in Skyrim.)

[Ad-Rock]

Jj-CErr0VOY&

[Gunblade89]

Earth like planet ''Kepler 22-b'' confirmed.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-16040655


Shame it's 600 light years away, it would be fascinating to see it's surface.
Using today's current technology it would take over a million years to get there.
Sadly i feel i'll be lucky to see a Mars landing in my lifetime.

[VanAce]

Jj-CErr0VOY&

Whoa it went pretty far. All the way to Ireland.

[Spazzola]

RhfrLOp0M8E

[Lazlow]

Stephen Confounded drops F-bomb on live TV ( www.news.com.au/national/communications-minister-stephen-conroy-drops-f-word-on-tv/story-e6frfkw9-1226220937761)

[Lazlow]

autocorrect made a funny

[Spazzola]

"We're not torturing anyone," the police chief said. "We're not violating human rights. We're just trying to put them back on the right moral path." (http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iAqV_NRe3qym68GgrEEefyHntPLg?docId=afe8fdef1 ab249a29db7f8fae91e1503)

[aubergine]

When Sharia law meets Daria law.

[texta]

Stephen Confounded drops F-bomb on live TV ( www.news.com.au/national/communications-minister-stephen-conroy-drops-f-word-on-tv/story-e6frfkw9-1226220937761)
The thing I love about this most is the outrage that it was during children's tv time.

Because kids ****ing love watching the National Press Club.

[Spazzola]

JhwuXNv8fJM

[VanAce]

The Chinese Town That Turns Your Old Christmas Tree Lights Into Slippers (http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2011/12/the-chinese-town-that-turns-your-old-christmas-tree-lights-into-slippers/250190/)

[VanAce]

PayPal makes buyer destroy antique violin to get his money back (http://www.regretsy.com/2012/01/03/from-the-mailbag-27/)

[Spazzola]

X360 used to take down a police chief. (http://games.yahoo.com/blogs/plugged-in/video-game-sting-takes-down-st-louis-police-210149230.html)

[Spazzola]

The Devil Down Under: Why God Hates Australia Day. (http://christwire.org/2012/01/the-devil-down-under-why-god-hates-australia-day/)

About The Author
Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect and passion.

Most amusing read I've had in ages :'D

[Str8JaktJim]

I...I don't quite know what to say to that.

[fishfishmonkeyhat]

Satire.

[Vindik8or]

Fool him twice...

[nonch]

The Devil Down Under: Why God Hates Australia Day. (http://christwire.org/2012/01/the-devil-down-under-why-god-hates-australia-day/)



Most amusing read I've had in ages :'D

Did it actually get funny at some point...?

[Spazzola]

If you find the pathetic funny. Comments included.

In other news, I suppose you could say this guy (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/technology-blog/man-lodges-nail-brain-doesn-t-realize-36-181834974.html)...
...hit the nail on the head.

[kirok]

Facebook nowaday's bitches!

[Spazzola]

Wealthy Floridian(?) man adopts adult girlfriend as his daughter in an attempt to shield his assets. (http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2012/02/wealthy-florida-man-adopts-adult-girlfriend-as-his-daughter/1?csp=34news)

[aubergine]

Zuckerberg to rule universe unchecked after Facebook "sell off" in which nothing is actually being sold.

http://mobile.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2012/02/facebook_s_ipo_how_mark_zuckerberg_plans_to_retain _dictatorial_control_his_company_.html

[HD Boy]

btjunkie has bitten the dust
http://btjunkie.org/goodbye.html

[Spazzola]

"Chris Brown could serenade me and then punch me in the eye. I'm down for it. (http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/horrible-reactions-to-chris-brown-at-the-grammys)"

As always with this kind of thing, the comments are amusing in a pathetic way.

[Big Scib Man]

Since 1997, A Man Has Been Digging Out His Basement Using Only R/C Scale-Model Construction Equipment (http://jalopnik.com/5884800/since-1997-a-man-has-been-digging-out-his-basement-using-only-rc-scale+model-construction-equipment)

[Spazzola]

Nothing says "I love you" like bondage in the back seat (http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/02/14/couples-valentines-role-playing-ends-in-arrests/?test=latestnews).

Long flight? Try child porn (http://news.yahoo.com/police-man-viewed-child-porn-us-flight-035844298.html).

[Lazlow]

Came across this while looking for something else

GAME UK still in the crapper, unable to stock The Last Story, or any of Ubisoft's Vita releases (http://www.metro.co.uk/tech/games/891199-game-wont-sell-the-last-story-or-ubisofts-vita-games)

[aubergine]

Maybe more for the EB Madness thread. GAME being up shit creek isnt the real story, it's why they haven't collapsed years ago.

[aubergine]

Woman runs marathon, feels the burn.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-02-24/calls-for-inquiry-into-marathon-bushfire/3852186

[FX-GTZ]

Bethesda hiring for next-gen game, Fallout 4 assumed. (http://www.product-reviews.net/2012/02/28/bethesda-hiring-for-next-gen-game-fallout-4-assumed/)

[VanAce]

Came across this while looking for something else

GAME UK still in the crapper, unable to stock The Last Story, or any of Ubisoft's Vita releases (http://www.metro.co.uk/tech/games/891199-game-wont-sell-the-last-story-or-ubisofts-vita-games)

Seems to be getting worse for them (http://www.mcvuk.com/news/read/ea-and-nintendo-confirm-game-rumours/091957)

[aubergine]

Sorry, just saw those Game related posts: thought the collapse of UKs major specialist retailer deserved its own thread.

[aubergine]

Aquarium diver bitten in face by shark.

headline win

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-03-06/woman-bitten-by-shark-at-aquarium/3871448

[Australian Ninja]

Don't know if this is already been posted, but it made me laugh.

Aussie Assassins on the loose...




Aussies caught up in Mugabe 'assassination' farce

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-03-09/aussies-accused-of-mugabe-assassination-plot/3878546


I love the lift out quote in the article:

"I said to the guy 'what am I going to assassinate him with, my tooth brush?"

[VanAce]

Police use acne lights to stop gangs (http://www.dangerousminds.net/comments/police_use_acne_lights_to_get_out_of_a_spot_of_bot her)

[aubergine]

Bugs swatted.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-03-16/celebrity-rabbit-squashed-to-death/3893558

[Str8JaktJim]

He should have done a barrel roll.

[aubergine]

Ben Cousins was arrested with 4 grams of drugs up his ass, with an alleged intent to sell or supply it to others. On shows like "Border Security" they often depict people smuggling drugs up their asses.

So remember: if you think you're about to snort some speed or cocaine, you may actually be sniffing crack.

[Str8JaktJim]

The best headline I saw about Ben Cousins was "Cousins caught with drugs. And sun rises in the east".

[VanAce]

May contain traces of nuts.

[aubergine]

LOL!

and tragic I guess but

LOL!

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-04-11/us-kindergarten-boy-brings-heroin-to-show-and-tell/3942942

[aubergine]

Boy pissed at Apple. (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/technology/8459920/boy-11-urinates-on-36k-worth-of-macbooks)